Its Ok, We can Stop Now

Leaders – and life soldiers – wanted…

Note: These blogs go in order! Please start with the first one and work your way through.

Do you ever wonder why people and cultures do what is harmful and continue doing it even if it’s not logical and they’ve been proved completely wrong? (Have you ever been wrong? I have!) There is a lot here today, so feel free to take it in two or three readings. For those for wanting the checklist of how to change our world (for the better), that will be in the next two blogs, so stay tuned…

Oh, and btw, medicine doesn’t work if we don’t take it…we have to implement the steps, not just read them….but you know how commercials work – the more you watch them, the more likely you are to buy the products….so don’t just let the world program our brains like modern day slaves, choose where you want to go and fill your mind with those things. Small things matter.

$7 via venmo to the third person who acurately gives me the number of spelling erorrs in this blog.  I would have done $5, but sadly a good mocha costs more than that now.  And you can totally use it for a mocha – or you can donate it to the poor, or split it between you and somone in knead…oh, and sorry fam — my kids and fam aren’t eligible.🤷‍♀️ gotta draw the line somewhere.

Okay, get your pen and paper, use window markers and write on a window (preferably yours…) or at least take your finger and right in the air, or yeah we can use the electronic notepad too, I won’t tell…

Today’s blog is going to require some work on your part. Not too much work, but if you hear what I’m saying it’s going to take some emotional time. So think about when you have time for that emotional time. It probably won’t be right now unless you just happen to be alone and there’s no one around but there are two things I’m going to ask for you to do today. One is to write something down, and the other is way harder…

Find 5 good things about your day today and write it down – or up if your air writing…

Here’s mine:

1. I woke up this morning with breath in my body.

2. Sun’s shining and blu sky’s.

3. I’m home sick with my kid so get to blog. (Not happy we’re sick, but happy to be home and too sick to clean…🤷‍♀️)

4. Got to see hubby before he went to work and caught up on my kisses…oooo they’re in love…. is what the kids always tease.

5. Ummm… think, think…good thing, got it! Got to talk with my college kid on the phone. Always a joy.

6. Ooh! One more, and this one is huge. My middle kid has started returning (almost) all of my texts!! True story. I have arrived. I need nothing more in life…contented sigh. Accept maybe for the older ones to get married (it’s OK if they choose not to) and give me grandbabies….

For 40 years I suffered from depression. Four almost for years now I’ve been free. And there are seesons in our life where we do not feel like there’s anything good going on.

But feelings can lie. Sickness and pain sometimes can blind us to the many good things that we have in our lives.

But a person’s beleif system, what we beleive, plays in really importantly here.

At what point is the pain and suffering worth the life? For thousands of years, women – no, not all, but many – considered the pain and suffering of 9 months of carrying a child and then the hours of Labor as worth it. The joy and honor of having the child overcomes anything that we have gone thru. And then the pain and suffering that goes with raising that child was considered so worth it. Changing diapers, late nights up, sometimes painful breastfeeding experiences, cooking, cleening, cooking, cleening and then — the teen years! (Shudder…)

The suffering was not enjoyable, but the child was worth it and the ecstasy of love for that individual to which we gave birth overcame any of the sorrow, sufforing or pain that came with birthing and raising the beloved child.

(If that is not your experience either as a mother or a child, please no guilt, no judgment. Only mercy, healing and love. If you were not loved by the people that should have loved you , know without a shadow of a doubt that there is someone that loves you and desires for you to be with people who love you and cherish you. Know that there are people for whom the pain is totally worth it and who were physically and mentally healthy enough to give that love. No fear. No guilt. No judgment. Because those things destroy Society and our lives. However there is and must be justice laced with mercy.

And there is a place that at some point I hope to take you to where our fear, our anxiety, the judgment and the guilt and the shame is lifted.  I speak from experience of over 40 years. Please know, friend, that what I say I do not say lightly and please know that when I speak, I speak as one who has known a lot of suffering and a lot of pain and carried a lot of guilt and shame for a lot of years.) 

What I say next is not the way this culture thinks: those who have fallen and failed are not worth any less than those who have succeeded. 

Because a person’s value has nothing to do with what they have accomplished or not accomplished.  A person’s value has to do with the fact that they were born and that they are loved. For every human that was ever given birth to has been loved.  Even if not by their parents.  And you as an individual are worth it even if your parents or others were not capable of that kind of love. You are worth infinitely more than gold.

Likewize, in a loving home, the father was willing to endure great hardships, daily sufering, the hardships of work to provide for, nurish and protect the woman and child. Dragons challenged and conquored and thru blood, sweat and tears, the next generation is raised to continue the joyful journey of self sacrificing love – not perfectly, but yet life continues and that life is treasured and valued — no sickness or struggles can stop the love the man has for the woman and her for him. No faults so great they can’t be worked on or lovingly overlooked. The phrase was coined, “…til death do us part.” Because nothing but death could stop that kind of love — and there is a love that not even death coukd overcome.

But if somebody’s view of their own life, of their own worth in this life is that the suffering is not worth the life, then they are not seeing the good things. There are many countries throughout the world that suffer much more things than we do – extreme poverty, but you can still find joy in those countries. I will never forget reading about a non-profit that was started by a man that spent 15 years in a Stalin prison, and seeing a picture of him after he had been freed and he had gotten to America, the photo of him and his wife and just the joy – they were so happy. How do you endure 15 years of torture and still be happy? Where does that kind of Joy come from? I’m thinking we could use it in our society today.

So is this your story, friend? Or like me, do you find painful lack in even the best of Parental and marital relationships? 😪😪😪 Are you loved like this? Do you love like this? Loved people, love people. Hurt people, hurt people.

Do you feel treasured? Or at least because sometimes our feelings are broken from mental illness, etc, do you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are treasured?

Do you know that you are the most important thing in somebody’s life and do you have people in your life that are willing to listen to you, to live and die for you?

The second thing I am asking of every person reading this blog, and if you do not listen to anything else I say, though there may be a few things more important, I think this is the first most important thing, I am asking you to make space in your week this week, and then at least once a week,

To CRY.

It’s a small thing, friend, but necessary if we are going to change our world for the better. Find the space and the time each week to emotionally process the neglect, the pain and the horrors that you have been through and the suffering around you and allow yourself the time to be angry, but don’t stay there too long, and mourn and cry for the suffering you and others have endured and are enduring.

Find a church, find a closet, hide in your car, but find somewhere you can be alone with those thoughts you’ve been hiding from all these years and allow them to surface – and cry. Those things were wrong friend. And they hurt you. But love desires you to be healed and to know your worth.

I am more than serious. I wouldn’t even use emoticons, I’m that serious. Make time to mourn and cry each week.

Okay, friend, if you’re screaming on the inside right now of all the hurt that you had done to you, the lack of attention you should have received, the pain that you have received and if you don’t feel like you want to go on any further, I want you to stop at the asteriks and not go any further today.

And I want you to know that you are loved. And you are welcome to email me. I don’t know how much this blog is going to gain attention. I have health issues and I have my own family, but if you need to talk, I can talk for at least a few times and try to connect you with somebody in your area or circle that can more realistically spend time with you and help you get through your pain.

It is a small thing but stepping away from Electronics and picking up a phone and making a phone call, even though that’s really hard, and trying to reconnect with other humans will go a long way toward changing your world in the world around you.

And letting  you know, friend, it’s NOT supposed to be like this, the constant pain and feelings of worthlessness and hatred, but just as it took years of small things that caused you pain (some small things really matter) So it will take years of small acts of love to heal you, but there was one act of love that changed the world, so may we seek and find the source of love.

Growing a garden takes time. You have to pull up weeds that have been taking over for years. It’s better to work on the garden with a loving friend. So go on a treasure hunt for a few loving friends and don’t stop until you find them.

I’m serious, don’t go any further than the asterisks if you’re just really crying on the inside right now.  Hugs, friend.

* * * * * * * * – these are the asterisks- the rest of you can come with me a little further, if you’re up to it. If not, come finish it tomorrow, but continue in the small steps you’ve learned remembering that the choices you make today, one way or another, WILL change your world.

For those on whom the above had no impact whatsoever, (Hi! Glad ur still with me! 👋)

I want you to find your tears.

If you’re that strong man or woman that has no need to cry over these things, I would urge you to find time in your life to cry.

Because a broken heart is better the one that is not beating. Yes, yes, there is a time and a place for being tough because those are the people that get the work done when the people that are emotional like me are having a big tear factory. (You would NOT want me for your nurse or doctor!)

And so I’m not judging or condemning the fact that maybe you are stronger, but if you haven’t cried over the news in the past 5 months, I would challenge you to find time and space to reconnect with your emotions and that we not be so hard-hearted that this doesn’t touch us.

No judgment, no guilt but a bit of a warning, when the pain and suffering around us has reached the intensity to where we no longer feel emotion, we are sometimes in need of deeper healing than those who are bawling their eyes out.

We want to feel in control. Facing the reality that we’re not is beyond nauseating. So we can punch pillows, we can be angry and we can cry at this horribleness and let us not stop feeling the pain and suffering of our own lives and of those around us.

It is foolish for somebody who runs away even to a monastery or a convent, or to TV, or intellectualism, or humanism, to so many things to avoid the suffering of the world and then we condemn those who turn to drugs and alcohol.

But are not we also running away from the pain? There are times and seasons where we do have to separate ourselves for our sanitys sake, but let us make time in our week to cry. Let us not harden our hearts but choose the pain because we and they are so worth it.

We have the power to change our world, but before we change it for the better we may find that we need to change.

Instead of growing upward, building ourselves more and more up, a tower to our greatness, let us learn to grow outward in sacricial love and reach as many hurting people as we can in the days that we have on this Earth.

When we have an increase of income what do we do, reach out to more people that are in need? Or get bigger cars and fancier houses and nicer clothes?

There are many forms of cancer in America, but greed seems to be the most contagious of them. But it is very difficult to judge the person in the mirror with the same fervor we judge others. They are not guilty. We are guilty. Us and Them. It is a lack of love that is destroying this nation.

I was hurt not for myself but for the other people, when some refugees I was serving that had come out of a horrible situation that had barely enough to eat and nothing to sleep on spent their money on a big screen TV.

Welcome to America.

They escaped death but I wanted to warn them of the slow Insidious death prevailing this country.

And nobody thinks that perhaps we shouldn’t keep encouraging this kind of living. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️😪 Death comes in all forms. I can’t tell you how many people are going to read that statement and say oh well they should be able to have fun now. Yes and the people that are making millions of dollars off of the big screen TVs will tell you what you need to have fun. Just ask the commercials or bajillions of ads thrown in our faces to tell us what we need to enjoy life. 🙄 Yes, I am guilty. We, not you, need to change.

The first fall of humanity is discontentment with what is good. If we have good food and we have shelter, warm house and clothes, why do we believe the lie that we have to have more to enjoy our lives? Why aren’t we content? And if we are content, why do we spend trillions of dollars on things we don’t need for life, while fully aware that there are those around us who don’t have enough to eat?🤯

Yes, friend, I am guilty. I do not have the willpower to tackle this monster alone. Will you help me? Perhaps together we can slay this dragon destroying our children’s lives.

THE PLACE IN INDIVIDUALS, FAMILIES AND SOCIETY WHERE THIS KIND OF SACRIFICIAL LOVE HAS WITHERED AWAY IS THE PLACE WHERE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION COME IN THEIR VARIOUS FORMS TO FILL THE GAP.

IT IS NOT BAD PARENTS OR BAD PEOPLE THAT HAVE CAUSED THE DESTRUCTION WE SEE IN OUR WORLD TODAY, IT IS A LACK OF SACRIFICIAL LOVE THAT IS WILLING TO LIVE AND DIE FOR ANOTHER. AND IT IS A LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF THE VALUE OF EVERY HUMAN LIFE. THEY ARE NOT THE GUILTY ONES. WE ARE THE GUILTY ONES.

WHEN WE PUT THE MANICURE OVER THE HEARTBEAT INSTEAD OF JOYFULLY CHOOSING THE DISCOMFORT, SUFFERING AND PAIN IN LOVING OTHERS – BECAUSE THEY, AND WE, ARE INFINITELY OF VALUE AND WORTH BEING LOVED, WE CHOOSE TO BE ACCOMPLICES TO THE DESTRUCTION AND DEATH AROUND US. THE PROBLEM AT IT’S ROOT IS OUR LACK OF LOVE.

No guilt. No judgement. Just truth and our need for grace and mercy. And when we realize the grace and mercy WE need, we will be more free to give love and mercy to those around us, and our world will become a better place. Not neglecting justice – just willing to judge ourselves with the same measure that we judge someone else.

BUT THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEM WITH OUR LIVES, OUR SOCIETY AND OUR WORLD — HERE BEAR WITH ME FRIEND — THE LACK OF LOVE COMES WHEN WE ARE DISCONNECTED FROM THE SOURCE.

And that must be a topic for another time and place, not here, but tuck that thought away that just like apple seeds can produce apples, and viper eggs hatch vipers, everything in this earth has a source. When we are disconnected from the source of sacrificial love (a love that is honest and just, that gives out of desire for the beloveds well being, not out of selfish motives, a love willing to suffer and die for the beloved) — when we are disconnected from the source of this love, death and destruction, loneliness, heartbreak and despair fill the space.

It’s OK. We can stop now.💞

We can stop lying to ourselves and to others and stop hardening our hearts and pretending like everything was and is okay.

Because it’s not.

Friend, you and I live in a generation where children shoot other children in school and people want to kill themselves. And then in a desperate effort to pretend like we are the ones okay and it’s those other people that aren’t, we make crazy judgments and call other people bad parents instead of admitting the problem is with all of us.

Because it’s not bad parents causing the problem, it’s the lack of love in our current society. And as we hate the evil around us, until we are honest with the person in the mirror that we are part of the problem, a big part, we will never truly change our world for the better. Because the homeless don’t need a house. They need a home. And the kids don’t need psychiatrists and psychologists (I’m not debating medical issues) as much as they need their moms and dads to love them and each other until death do us part. They need to be listened to by their parents, to be seen, to be cherished, to be heard.

But our lack of contentment with simple things comes at a high cost, the cost of working more hours, staying away from the pain of home more and trying to cover up our selfishness, pride and lack of love with so many entertainments and fun, anything we can do to hide from how bad it – and we – really are.

No guilt, no judgement. I’m equally guilty. Just a place to be honest and cry.

But why is it that we humans have such troubles looking at our reality and judging rightly our condition?

Hold it. Now you’re angry and mad? No judgement. Where we are is ok. But does no one see the results in society over the past 75 years, not to mention the huge economic impact of now needing two incomes to sustain a family, because sacrificial love for family was replaced by selfishness, lack of love and pride?

We are not okay. But, we are making the changes needed by being honest with the person in the mirror, admitting what is good and right in our lives and world (list five things) while admitting the problems with the person in the mirror as well as those outside our walls. We are willing to cry at the Brokenness and despair we see around us, while looking to reconnect ourselves and others with the source of the sacrificial love so that we have the power to overcome the greed and complacency, entering into the suffering of our world with justice, mercy compassion and love.

We remember that small things matter and look to root up the small influences of hate and complacency and other things that steals minutes from our days and dollars from our pockets that could be used in sacrificial love to heal our children and our world.

We are recognizing those less important small things that are stealing the heartbeats of our families and homes and are children’s lives and we are turning off the electronics and tuning in to the cries of our children — and ourselves – for the attention and kindness and sacrificial love that has been deteriorating for many generations now.

And we choose to be content with simple things, no matter how our bodies and brains scream, and to regain the importance and value of every living life that was lost. That we – and they – are treasures of infinite value, so we will treat them – and ourselves as such, finding the healthy laws we need to live by while being honest with our own and others pain.

And when none of this seems possible and it all seems totally out of reach, we will seek again the source of sacrificial love that was lost and not stop seeking that treasure until we find it.

TWEET VERSION (sort of..)

1. (Review last blog) Small things can really matter.

2. (Review) Don’t stop to do a manicure on a person having a heart attack. Know your priorities and let the lesser important small things go.

3. Throughout your day take notice of the good things you have, even if you don’t feel happy. Be thankful for life.

4. Cry. Make time and space in your life to mourn the neglect, pain and lack of sacrificial love you and others have gone through. A broken heart is better than one not beating.

5. Find people in your life who will love you no matter what and seek to love others that way, while keeping healthy boundaries and working at growing together.

6. If you struggle to give or receive sacrificial love, seek the source of sacrificial love. And keep seeking until you find it.

7. Begin to practice contentment. Seek to grow outward, not upward.

8. Remember, growth takes time and patience. Twenty years of weeds growing on land are not overturned in a day. Let your loved ones know of the healthy goals you are setting to change your world. And let them join with you in the weeding and uprooting and the growing and planting.

9. Enjoy the journey.